Adderall has ruined my life

by Beth
(Idaho Falls)

I have been taking adderall for 6 years now, since then, I have been numb to every emotion in my body. I feel like I am the walking dead, everyday I see my life right in front of me but I am not there. I keep telling myself I need to get a grip and control myself but its beyond that.

Adderall has control of me. I am socially withdrawn and I get nervous being around alot of people. I have been off this medication before and I was a train wreck! Adderall has destroyed my brains ability to produce dopamine.

Everyday I run for my life because if I dont I will be physically immobile, so my fight or flight kicks into over drive. Now that I have read everyone elses post about adderall and how its affecting them I am feel releived to know I am not alone.

Also I called one of the rehab places where I live to see about treatment, when I told him what my addiction was (stimulant) the man said, "Adderall." From his response my guess is there are ALOT of people like me who have been affected severly by adderall.

This is sad and I hope and pray that people think 4 or 5 times before a doctor prescribes this medication. Learn from others who have taken it, this is not a drug to mess around with. I want my old self back again. I pray one day that I will find me.

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Jun 01, 2017
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starstar 		Yeah, it's terrible for you
by: Anonymous

My father is pretty much ruining our family right now because adderall makes him obsess about things. He's got NPD so it amplifies all the delusional paranoid thinking so he walks around with a chip on his shoulder- ready to punish people at any time. I've historically been the scape goat in his world, but since meds, he's alienated everyone but me, so now he just focuses in on me. I haven't had a real conversation with him since he began the med. Best case: At the 5 minute mark he spontaneously sabotages the conversation. Now he's obsessed with letting me know he's not talking to me. (oh no) But he's acting like a bone head and blaming it on everyone, while basically standing there red-handed. But he manipulates the doctors so they'll give him drugs without therapy. And cognitive behavioral therapy is what he needs the most. He's totally addicted to the medicine. (FYI: that "I'm not a bot" verification made me go through an 8 step process. Maybe a bit overkill.)
May 31, 2017
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		I seriously don't feel these drugs have helped, or even if "adult ADHD" is really correct for me (or a real thing)
by: Monsenior

I was diagnosed with adult ADHD in my 30s and have been prescribed various doses of Adderall XR, Adderall IR, and Vyvanse for over 10 years. It hasn't helped me be more effective in my career or my personal life (my family, friends, and coworkers all agree on that). These drugs have disrupted my sleep, and the various sleep medications the doctors prescribe make me tired in the day and my memory has gotten a lot worse. Before the ADHD diagnosis I was never let go from a job, but since then I have been fired from 7 jobs and I am going on several months unemployed. I am depressed, my health is not so great, and my marriage is on the rocks. Before the diagnosis, I was a very creative person who made music and art regularly. I feel I have lost my creativity and I can't even LISTEN to music or look at art without getting depressed. I am not saying that ADHD is not a real diagnosis, just that Adderall and Vyvanse have NOT helped me one bit. Maybe I was misdiagnosed, or maybe the psychiatric profession and the corporate world view creative nonconformist people as having a "disorder" who must be controlled with drugs (THX1138!), but for now I am going to gradually wean myself off these and find a job that is a better fit for my personality.
Nov 07, 2016
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starstarstarstarstar 		is there any help available?
by: Anonymous

My wife has been on Adderall for 2+ years and during that time she has completely withdrawn from me, even telling me she no longer has any emotional feelings or connection to me. but it gets worse.

She started having paranoid delusions that I was abusing her for about a year to the point where she finally called 911 on me. The cops came and I was not arrested as there was not a crime committed but she filed a restraining order on me and now I'm exiled from my children, my home and my very ill wife.

I feel so helpless and alone. I don't know what to do. before she got the RO, she was telling me her heart chakra was opening because her heart was so "hot"....I'm concerned she's going to have a heart attack. My inlaws think I'm the devil and won't speak to me and she's isolated herself from all of our mutual friends. (she think's I've slept with some of them) which I totally have not. I've been completely faithful for 21 years. What happened to her and how did it get like this?
Oct 06, 2016
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		The orange pill who stole my identity
by: Kristin

I have been prescribed addy for the past 10 years. I am 33 years old and it has stolen my identity. I was always so close to my family and friends now I am a ghost. I keep to myself like a hermit to avoid the emotions lost deep inside of my soul. The sad thing is, I couldn't fake a smile if I wanted to. I am prescribed 30mg 2x a day.

The crazy thing is my doctor had me taking 30mg 3x per day until I asked to be dropped down. The feeling that I get when I do not take it is all bad. I don't answer the phone no matter who it is. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone. I just want to sleep, eat and cry 😪

But when I pop that orange demon in my mouth I get a rush that makes me feel like I can erase the lazy and play catch up with everyone I avoided while smoking an ungodly amount of cigarettes and shitting my brains out. My boyfriend on the other hand turns into the devil himself either way and being in a 5 year relationship with someone prescribed the same medicine is easier to justify. (To him anyway) I am to the point of walking away from it all.

I have tried to end my life several times and have never felt that way before. Rewind to before I even knew addys even existed- I have always been a lover, the girl with a constant smile, 5"3 blonde hair blue eyes, tiny built, a ton of friends, hippie like, would never judge a soul, just wanted everyone to love life and would help anyway I could.

Fast forward to now. Still tiny although I feel like my cheeks are sunk in, completely irrational, I go bat shit crazy when my bf calls me names (he is now super emotionally abusive) I would in the past have left that type of relationship but I chose to stay bc my self confidence is depleted.

My kids now for the past two years have been staying with their dads (how fucking trashy does that sound) gross I know. How could a mother who has raised her own flesh and blood for their whole life's give up on them?

I cry about this every waking second. But at this point of my life, I have to get treatment for the pill from hell in order to be the nurturing, loving, stable person I once knew. I feel cold, empty, alone and like a piece of shit. If you saw me passing by you would never even know my well hidden struggle.

I am writing my goodbye letter to the one thing that has ruined my entire existence and hopefully getting myself back to give to my two precious little ones that deserve nothing but the best.

Wish me luck and please take it from me the person most called their "mother Teresa" I was just a sweet loving girl! STOP TAKING THIS NOW AND PLEASE DONT GIVE UP HOPE
Oct 05, 2016
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starstarstarstarstar 		I want my life back
by: Dawn

It's been 5 years.. I feel nothing pushed every one away.. I want to be alone but I am so lonely. I'm not happy I'm not sad. I'm numb. I feel nothing. I have stayed in the house for 3 years. I can't seem to not take Adderall. I'm so scared, I feel like I'm going to die soon bc of the way it's messing up my body. Please if anyone has gotten their life back after quitting.. Tell me, so I have a reason to stop.
Apr 12, 2016
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starstarstarstarstar 		Adderall Abuse
by: Aron Lupton

Well it looks like there are a lot of good comments here and people who care. I can relate a little. I am being treated with an anxiolytic right now so I imagine I have anxiety, though this one (buspirone) can also be used for major depressive disorder.

I certainly have always felt nervous after witnessing a terrifying and prolongued abuse in my family. Anyways, what I most want to say is I abused adderall at one time. I also abused ritalin. When I took prescribed adderall I have no idea how the effects were different but they were, vastly. Firstly, I took 20mg xr about 20 times. First, it was for 10 days straight, once a day. It really helped me focus is all I can remember, and do hw, especially writing for hours. Then I stopped it, and used it one or two days out of the week for another month. It helped with my anger too and would help me relax. This was in 2013. I was prescribed it in 2016 and the effects were vastly different: Way increased panic, mood swings, a little increased interest in things. Way increased interest in reading things and writing. I think some of that certainly sticks with me.

Skip to 2015. I had abused caffeine pills for about 8 months and then decided to withdraw as I was approaching taking 2 grams per day which for me was about half the lethal dose, so too much. I started at about 100 mg per day and every two to three weeks I would increase to 100-200 mg more per day.

I tapered down 100mg per day and then committed myself to a hospital where I was prescribed prozac and ativan for depression and anxiety. Then five days later I was prescribed ritalin. I took 10mg of ritalin three times per day and 0.5mg ativan three times per day. When I was discharged I was told to take 20mg of ritalin three times per day, which made me euphoric and eventually psychotic where I would have these grand ideas, blow money, and ruminate over and over about the abuse incident. This landed me in the hospital again eventually.

So I wonder if the meds added to my restlessness or what. But I do know I tried close to 20 drugs from SSRI's to SNRI's to antipsychotics to mood stabilizers. Not once did my doc (a st. lukes Nurse Practitioner) have me try anxiolytics, but after nearly one year that is what another doc prescribed me. I still have a little anxiety, hell, maybe it's a lot of anxiety, I don't know. I used to not know I had anxiety all my life until the anxiolytic helped bring it down. I think as high as it was it made me numb to it.

Anyways, that's what I'm taking right now (2016) and I am reading that yes abuse may cause permanent damage, but I am also reading that exercise, nutrition, and being productive and social help to fix the brain. I currently take a vitamin supplement every other day, and fish oil once or twice a day, try to eat super healthy (grains, fruits, steering clear of high fructose corn syrup and high fat, high trans fat, and high sodium foods, and taking turmeric once in a while (antiinflammatory)).

So far I feel I guess about back to normal, in fact a little better than I ever did. Yes, I do have a desire to stop sometimes and just take caffeine again, but certainly not ritalin or adderal. The panic was way too much, like I knew I was dying, and it would last hours. Anyways, back to the buspirone, it is helping and I feel I can actually control my thoughts.

Sometimes I do still worry about things like people in my family getting hurt, or me going nowhere in life, but now I am surprisingly able to say "no, that's not going to happen, things are looking good" and smile. Before, for most of my life to my memory, I would say I could not smile and could not do positive self talk, just worry, worry, worry. So hopefully this helps. As long as you have support, there is always hope.
Dec 20, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		climbing out of the ruins
by: tim

Sorry, let me finish. For a year and a half i have been unable to work fulltime. I have become a prisoner in my apt. I have lost my emotions. I was losing my mind! I realized its the adderall. Ok, but what about the adhd? Oh, let me also state i was also diagnosed as bipolar. Treatment was short lived for that. I just dealt with it.
Back to the issue. I have been on 25mgxr twice a day. I have researched, and googled, and reworded, and googled and have read hundreds of threads concerning adhd and adderall, etc.
I find that people that take adderall that are prescribed, or not prescribed that abuse this med
Wil never have a happy ending. Quit! I also understand everyone is different. I could easily quit the adderall and go back to where i was. Why not? I was used to it. I did asked for adhd meds. I simply told my dr about some issues and he tested me, and here i am fighting for my life.
There are so many success stories out there that i decided tjat i also want to be one and live the rest of my days the best that i can. I found that the 25% of levoamphetamine is the culprit to my anxiety which at times severe.
I have never taken meds for this, or the panic attacks. As i said, until a year and a half ago i was on percoset the whole time i started adhd meds which now believe were drowning out the aniety or the majority. So, i have also read of the success stories of people that switched to dexidrine. I will be seeing my dr and show him my research and ask to be put on dexedrine to eliminat the levoamphetamine. I will post a follow up to this with the results of the switching to this med.
I write this because i know there has to be many more people with the exact same problem, reaction to the levoamphetamine.
I realize through all i have read that alot of drs wont prescribe this, and i might have to change drs, but this is my life. Its screwed up right now, and you have to exaust all options of treatment until you find what i read others of saying that they never knew life better than they do now. Good luck to everyone! Watch for an update if this is you!
Dec 20, 2015
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starstarstarstarstar 		climbing out of the ruins
by: tim

Wow!let me start by saying that i have no doubt i have adhd. I am 49. I was just diagnosed 5 years ago.my life went from bad to worse in this period. I started on vyvanse. At first it seemed great! After the first month i was increased from 30mg to 40mg.
Let me add that pryor to being diagnosed. I had no problem getting up and going to work. I was always a great worker, and had good paying jobs.
On vyvanse i could get up and go to work, but within the first 2 months i found myself standing looking at what i was doing and thinking about it numerous a day. I will use the term stuck. Needless to say i became very unproductive.
Fast trac now, the vyvanse eventually was driving me insane.simple arguments turned me into a jekyll and hyde.
Good points: i quit chewing my fingernails after 40 years out of the blue. I also quit drinking beer period. Had one socially and it bloated me badly, and i just didnt feel like ever having another. I still dont chew my nails or consider having a beer.
Switched to adderall after progressing to 70mg of vyvanse and insanity!
Like vyvanse it was good at first. I went to work, could work all day, but still found myself stuck from time to time. I would also be capable of just calling off work, because i just couldnt go, and it didnt matter to me if there were going to be any consequences for taking off! I didnt care! More and more i found that i didnt care. I also started realizing that i was losing my basic emotions, thoughts of concern for my kids, mom or anyone. All concerns that i normally have, like, just thinking about how peoplee are doing on a daily daily basis like a normal parent would. Like i used to for 20 years!
Back trac: near the end of vyvanse i had severe shoulder problems. First one, and then the other. I was given percoset for pain. I worked hurt for two years, and on percoset. I had to get surgery after i had blown my shoulder out.
For a year and a half i have been off the pain med. This is where the nightmare of adderall began. I couldnt go to work period. I didnt care! I just couldnt but could not explain why. I didnt want to leave my apt. Went as as long as a mont at a time.
Oct 29, 2015
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		adderall is meth's cousin
by: amphetamine madness

Adderall is so addicting. Thats why you have problems. The drug makes u feel so good then it leaves ur system by making you go through depressing withdrawals. I'm 107 days clean and I'm not going back down that path. We all know that adderall is the problem. You might have relation ship problems which might have led to taking adderall. Adderall won't fix any of your problems. If it makes you feel like a superhuman at work but then makes you go through intense withdrawals then its not even worth it. Fergie was addicted to crystal meth for a year. That should be enough to convince you that if she stopped, then u can stop. Addiction is awful and withdrawals might be worse but you have to go through it.
Oct 10, 2015
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starstarstarstarstar 		88 days clean
by: Anonymous

Like most of you, I abused adderall. IV binged on it. I used to take 60-80 mg then id drink coffee with it. The coffee increased the high by 3 folds. I abused it for a year but I soon realized that something was very wrong in my life. My emotions became do drained and adderall became the battery to my happiness. The drug doesn't even really make me happy, it just makes me feel good about myself. I have been battling adderall addiction from November of 2014 until July of 2015. The withdrawals were so intense, my muscles would twitch from my eyelids to my ass cheeks to my toes. And id be in an intense state of depression during withdrawals. I still feel depressed and this is due to adderall. Its been 88 days since the last time I took adderall but the depression is not fading away. To all of you who are reading this, you got to stop playing with this drug. It's a serious toxic drug that really drains life out of you. Stop finding excuses to use it. Doesn't it ever make you wonder that popping pills looks really unhealthy. This is a reason why you have to stop adderall. When are you going to stop? Don't wait till tomorrow. I know that addiction is so difficult. Our lives weren't destined to pop pills. I know that if you're on this site, you know that there is something wrong In your life. Withdrawal will feel like hell but it teaches you why you don't want to keep using adderall. Don't wait till 5 years from now. Do it today. Remember, adderall has already caused so much negative health consequences in your life and adding more damage to your health will not solve your problems by 1%. I still have depression and it didn't exist before I started abusing pills. Good luck a d god bless everyone out there who is dealing with this terrible drug. You can do it! It's not just will power. You will never enjoy life if your life revolves around the pill. Peace
Oct 08, 2015
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starstarstarstar 		I was there too
by: Anonymous

I was put in adderall and diagnost "Adult" ADHD but I was also a liar and an alcoholic. I will always be an addict but now I am recovering. I fooled doctors and everyone around me that I needed this stimulant because I was unable to function but that was because I wasn't able to stay drunk all the time so this filled the void of alcohol for everyday function. But at night I would drink and it changed my entire personality. I WAS a fire fighter but lost my job do to my addiction to alcohol and I went to rehab. During my first two weeks of rehab I was miserable. And I came to find out that I was detoxing from the adderall. It was twenty times worse than any alcohol withdrawals I ever experienced. But I'm here to tell you all there is hope. You will feel like a normal person again and can live without this sick drug that doctors throw around like candy. I have been off adderall for three months now and I feel amazing.
Nov 04, 2014
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starstarstarstarstar 		Adderall is ruining my life
by: Anonymous

I have been on adderall for 4 yrs and I'm miserable.. I'm full of anger, I have no emotion and I talk to everyone around me like a dog... I'm extremely paranoid and I think everyone is talking about me. I talk to my boyfriend really bad. I talk to coworkers terribly and my sister gets the worst of it all... When I'm off my medication I'm very lazy and not functional. I can't focus or even read a book. I'm completely lost right now. I don't know what to do. I need the medication but at the same time it's destroying my life. I just want to feel normal and be myself. I've lost myself along the way. Does anyone have some advice?
May 19, 2014
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starstarstarstarstar 		It messed up mine pretty bad too
by: Anonymous

I was put on Adderall in the 7th grade. i lost all of my friends to that. My parents put me on it thinking it would help with my ADD. For years i would just stare off into the distance. Everyone called me the quiet kid but they didn't know how much I was screaming inside. I screamed inside for years. I was so itchy all the time too. I did sports so I could try to make friends to make up for the ones I lost but i was still just the quiet kid. eventually I had enough and decided for some reason to just end it because my life would never be the same. I tried, and failed, to kill myself. Eventually I did quit, but the damage was done. My mind was torn apart. I was violent towards myself and sometimes others. I was cutting for over a year and lost track over how many times i broke my hands. it took me about a year to let anyone in to my problem. Adderall made it a struggle to communicate my feelings and thoughts, so I didn't. that became a habit. Today my life is a lot better, but i still struggle with the emotional scars of my past. My suggestion to anyone who is considering to use Adderall is to use it for a short period of time and later in life. i don't think children should ever be prescribed this drug. the long term effects aren't worth it.
Mar 18, 2014
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starstarstarstarstar 		Lost the love of my life to adderall
by: Anonymous

I lost my girlfriend to adderall. I couldn't love her the way she deserved and as much as I truly wanted to because the drug made me numb inside. I had nothing but rage when we talked when coming down off it and I just wanted to be alone.

She left me because she stopped believing I ever loved her... and she was the only family I ever had. I loved her deeply in truth.
Feb 19, 2012
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starstarstarstarstar 		Apology
by: Nolan

I'm sorry that you guys feel this way about Adderall, we all go throug depression in our lives, I have been taking Adderall for about 5-6 years also, and I'm 19 now ( I had been on rittalin and a slew of other drugs for atleast another 5 years or better), I realize that I am a better person when I'm on it. You can't use Adderall as a scapegoat, only you have the power to control what the drug does to you either you suck it up and stay on Adderall or take your chances off of the drug. What ever your decision may be I encourage you to pray to God about it, and ask for his guidance and the strength to overcome your ADHD.

May God bless all of you :)
Dec 29, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Sorry about your daughter, but
by: Anonymous

maybe it was not the right treatment.
Nov 24, 2011
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starstarstarstarstar 		Damage
by: Anonymous

My daughter has a bipolar disorder. It runs in her father's side of the family. Impulse control has always been a huge issue for her. She found a doctor to let her try adder all. It is like pouring kerosine onto a fire. This drug can badly damage relationships. My daughter has successfully alienated herself from her family due to her impulsive behavior and plain mean mouth. One of my sisters and a friend have done the same. This drug is very dangerous for some people. The potential for abuse is very high and the desire and craving for this drug drive denial on the part of consumers who are hooked.
Sep 21, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		ADDERALL
by: Anonymous

I know what you mean I feel the same, I am depressed almost every day, I lost my job because I couldn't resist how angry sometimes it made me feel, I ran away from work, "restaurant", all because of Adderall , I feel so alone. I feel like my life it's over

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